Tag Archive for ‘honesty’ at Bradtastic

Today marks seven years after a national tragedy… and God bless us, we haven’t been hit again, since. I think far too many people dismiss and overlook the real threat that radical Islam presents to us, America and other free nations and peoples, all over the world. Europe has since been attacked. Many thanks to the brave men and women overseas, putting their lives on the line… and I want to mention that I truly admire the brave men of the 82nd, over in Afghanistan, willing to drive Hummers at a snail’s pace to draw Taliban gunfire to them, and away from the ANA and Afghan nationals.

It’s almost my birthday, and while it has been an eventful year, it’s also been a trying, hard and somewhat lackluster year for yours-truly. No longer reeling from my Grandmother’s death on a daily-basis, I look forward to figuring out the first parts of my “true” adult life, and I’ve been fortunate to have the time to think it through.

A lot of analysis, thinking and soul-searching took place before this post; it wasn’t out of anticipation or preparation to blog something big, life just gave me an opportunity and I took it. I’ve made some changes, I’ve been on-and-off sick, still struggling with Stage 2 Hypertension and medication issues… but things aren’t all bad.

I’m lucky. I have great people in my life.

I’ve met some extraordinary women…

I wouldn’t be who I am without ‘em. I think relationships are the greatest treasure, beyond assets, and therefor, this human-connection means so much to me. I let my life play out more publicly and openly than most… I don’t necessarily encourage others to do the same, but I hope it does help to open new lines of communication and encourage honesty.

I love Tennis and I miss playing the game; I’ve been thinking about restringing one of my racquets and hitting against a ball machine just to get the feel of it (and to see if I can). I have a few friends (and a great US Open) to thank for the inspiration to try. I’m playing pool a little bit more, and I’d like to get my own table someday soon. I’ve been open and honest about my politics, drug use, sex life and interests… hoping in-part that this free-communication will make the taboo a little more approachable. I’ve been trading the gadgets and electronics for fountain pen and paper, I regained some hand-control after losing the necessary coordination to perform all of the magic that I’d like… this energy and chaos is fueling my art (mostly inkwork) that I hope will one-day, someday soon, inspire tattoos for my left shoulder and beyond.

I don’t have all of the answers, but I like to help. I like to share, even when it’s all random stuff. Everyone has something to complain about… so I offer: get out and do, enjoy, and make life grand. Don’t waste time worrying about the wrong stuff, be thankful for the right stuff, and try to take responsibility for as much of life as possible.

I sleep during the daylight (usually), and I’m awake for the quiet, the clarity of night. The sky is filled with opportunity, and my dreams are as grand and as lively as ever (some people might blame opioid analgesics). Reality binds us all. Control goes to those who take it… and dreamers… well, I can assure you, aren’t so bothered by rising gas prices or burdened by others’ failures. Life is just too good’n’short for that.

I’m excited for this weekend, next, and the 16th. Righ’now ain’t bad!

Stay positive, honest and informed, and you can be ‘tastic, too.

life then, just doesn’t feel worth living.

DURING THE BETTER TIMES I’ve experienced some of life’s great pleasures and wonderful experiences. I’ve met some of the most interesting people, some beautiful women with wonderful personalities and gorgeous character. During these times, I’m still in pain but I feel great; I’m in my element and it shows.

I love having people come up to talk to me, a group of women during “girl’s night out,” ignoring the groups of men and the pairs of guys (trying to pretend they’re too cool and not interested.)

The guys gawk and can’t understand how this tall, thin and possibly frail, injured, flawed, long-haired, dark-sunglass wearing Asian is getting all of this attention.

I hear “is he famous?” “I think he’s a model,” “I’ve seen him before, he was with that blonde, remember her?” It’s all in the distance… they’re too-timid to move into my territory. I’m clearly under the social-spotlight, and I enjoy the adoration. I don’t own the club, bar or venue… I do however, during these moments, dominate the ground I stand on and wouldn’t want it any other way.

I want to share these joyous memories

I want to document them; without actually seeing it happen, many can’t understand, appreciate or even believe that these stories are true. During these good times, I’m not looking for sex. I’m not looking for love… I’m finding company, personal connections. I’m entertaining and being entertained, it’s as if my soul is taken care-of by these events. The flattery is a welcome ego-boost; arrogant as I am, I know my flaws and I know my weakness…

I know that at almost any-moment, without warning, I can be stripped of it all and I’ll be sent spiraling-downward,

forced to deal with tremendous pain and the agony of defeat brought-on by my condition—no outside force is ever so irrevocably damaging as the side-effects of narcotics and the withdrawal symptoms from not taking them as the mere-shell of the deeper damage, trauma, mixture of physical and emotional pain…

…slowly seething, swirling in a brew, the eventuality always similar or same: I’m going to hurt. It’s really going to hurt.

I’m lucky to have a few great people, willing to sacrifice so much time and energy to help me feel a bit better. It must be difficult to put-out so much with prior-knowledge that no amount of effort will ever FULLY alleviate my suffering. It can be a disappointment to try so-hard and never fully succeed or accomplish one’s goal… this I know.

Bradtastic